The Big E

This letter is from Eugene, a volunteer from Nigeria who is an agriculture teacher at Mt. Wilhelm high school. It was sent to Athar, an Indian volunteer stationed in Kundiawa. Athar passed it on to me. It requires no further introduction for I feel it would only inhibit a letter of its magnitude. Below is said letter verbatim, including accurate punctuation and spelling peculiarities.

The Big E

Hey Athar,
The man that belted students and at the same time cried aloud in agony that he will NEVER forgive them came into the lime light again!!! Last week he belted his wife (my Head of Department) at the school farm in the broad day light in the presence of students and other dick and harry within the domain of the village. After belting his wife, he popped/came into the department office where I was f**ckingly busy with the daily activities in the course of making progress in the kau kau state of PNG. He demolished his wife's documents, table and everything his hands could grasp at moment m and time t. I asked him if everything is all right, he came directly to me with intention to belt me should in-case I make further comment, but I pretended to ignore him while watching his movement should in-case he decide to knife me. He remained speechless for about five minutes just gazing at me like a deer gazing itself at sea. He eventually left for good!!! When I was out of the office just like a rat that has just escaped from a huge trap set by the cat, I noticed that students and some teachers alike had swarm like the honey bees waiting for the latest news. To cut the drama short, his wife (my HOD) decided to step aside from the marriage and the school in large, because she may be endangering her life to continue working in the school since it is located within the range of her husband's village.

Automatically, I have become the HOD!! That means that I have a loooottt to do!!! Especially for Grade 10 because, their final exams (national exams) is scheduled for early October and I have to collect all test scores before I leave for Madang for the holiday.

So how is your preparations for journey back to your loving India? Hope you have been eating a lot of curry of late to gain more weight. May I suggest that you should try to eat at least 1KG of kau kau and kumu daily to gain weight rapidly!!! I guess that you must be banging now. I think you need to bang to complete your story about your stay in PNG, because at the exit interview the first question will be 'have you banged?' If the answer is no, then your flight ticket shall be withheld pending when you bang.

Athar, because of the huge work at my disposal, may I suggest that I come to Kundiawa Tuesday next week. That means that I will have the whole Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday with you. I noticed that if I leave for Kundiawa on Friday this week, that means that I will miss about six working days and the school may think am not considerate. I will stay here for now, we will discuss at length when I come down to Kundiawa. My hearty cheers to the manager and all your meris bilong yu. Keep banging as you spend your last days in PNG.

I remain Gene.