SOBE

I went to South Beach, Miami for a bachelor party. My group did what we were supposed to do. Big clubs, big toasts, high fives, high balls, loud guffaws, loud nights. The strip, the beach, the scene, the look, the dress, credit card slips. We drank, we ate cheap food, we bought over-priced towels, we pieced the nights together the next day, we spied at topless girls and compared notes and we got out alive.

A couple points:

- The Orange Bowl is a relic. It’s hard to believe that this crumbling, weathered structure was the site for major sporting events including a couple Super Bowls.
- Never, ever go on a bachelor party longer than 3 days
- South Beach, and I mean the actual BEACH, is the largest ash tray in the world.
- The strip is absolutely bumping, every day, save for a 2 hour period between 7-9am. That’s it. During this time bar owners are busy spraying down their facility and hope that some of the sin runs down the drain.
- The hotel I stayed at, the Clevelander, smelled like the geriatric floor of a hospital. Vomitous, feces and body odors poorly masked by a layer of putrid floral air fresheners and bleach.
- ESPN is always better when you watch it in another city.
- After spending 4 days living out of a closet with 3 other males, it is required that a full week expires before you can speak to one of them again

Miami Night Club ratios:
11pm – empty
11:30pm – more bouncers/bartenders than patrons
12:30am – half capacity – 80% women (good times)
1:30am – full capacity – 60% women (still good times)
2:30am – over-stuffed capacity – 45% women (impending doom)
3:30am – half capacity – 5% women, 95% zombie-like mammals (the creepy hour, time to jettison)