Green Jacket XXL

Phil Mickelson. I can't decide if I like him or hate him. On one hand, I am a little offended that this fat slob lopes around a golf course and makes more money in a weekend then I will ever make in my life. If you were Mickelson, and you had all the money in the world and time on your hands, wouldn't you hire a personal trainer and a chef so you didn't look like a pig on national television?

On the other hand, I like Mickelson because he's a fat slob. He basically is saying, "look, I am a millionaire and I have a hot-ass wife. My extra pounds don't affect my golf game. I can buy anything I want. I am above the law. So why would I bust my ass to look like a 'Men's Health' cover model? The only reasons guys (like that broke-ass Mark Bower) do that anyway is because they think it helps them get chicks and it strokes their little ego. Well I got the chicks and all the ego I will ever need. So screw it. Pass the bacon.'